I tried to write this post last weekend... let me rephrase that... I wrote this post last weekend, in fact I wrote it over and over again but couldn't find a point at which I felt good about it. Ultimately I opted not to post it. About two weeks ago was my most recent kidney team doctor's visit and it went mostly well. Last Sunday was my ninth month since transplant and Monday was my 53rd birthday. Something about these two events orbiting each other made it feel bigger than it really was but my life wasn't living up to the grand idea of the feelings surrounding this auspicious occasion. So perhaps there was never anything that could have been written to make me happy. It's a fault I must admit to, a cross that I bear, that I am particularly hard on myself when I'm judging my actions. There are people I carry with me at all times... they live within the voice in my head and tell me that my performance is worthy of whatever it is for which I'm trying to tak...