The Letter

As mentioned in my previous post, I am adding a sentimental post today, although I didn't know it would be this. I had spent the better part of the last two weeks trying to write the letter to the family of my kidney donor. Each time I'd start off fine but then at some point I'd go dark.

It's 5:45 in the morning as I write this and the entirety of this letter, albeit a short one, was written over the last two hours and considering the difficulty I had in finding the right words to say... that's saying something.

Although tomorrow is the anniversary of my transplant, for this year and this year only I'm seeing today as the anniversary because it was a little after 6:00 on a Sunday morning a year ago that I got the call. This morning sorta completes the year for me from phone call to thank you letter. And the timing feels appropriate as a means of really wrapping this blog up. And with that, I'd like to share with you the letter I have chosen to write and send to the family of the loved one who's kidney has altered my world. Enjoy.



Hello, my name is Bil. I’ve written this letter four times already and I guess it took me five attempts before realizing I don’t know what to say or how to say it. Did you know they have sample letters for this kind of thing? They say all of the right things and nothing at all… that’s quite an accomplishment. It takes a special kind of mastery of the English language to write three meaningful paragraphs that have no meaning except as an ice breaker between a family who has lost a loved one and the person who received a life altering gift as a result of that loss.

I’m at this moment considering the idea that perhaps I should not write. That I should allow you to go through your version of grief without triggering some new kind of pain. And I’m simultaneously feeling like I owe you this and that maybe this is something I need to do to move on in my life. Eight to ten months ago I was looking forward to reaching out to you. I thought you might want to know who’s life or lives were impacted by the kindness and thoughtfulness of the gifts from your loved one. I am one of those people.

This year has been very good to me. Especially in the light of the eight years prior. I’m not suggesting that there have been any great accomplishments in this past year and certainly none of the small successes I’ve enjoyed have been specifically due to the gift I received, but I also can’t guess what that year would have looked like without my new kidney. I was officially on a downward trend at the time this gift came to me and I suspect my job, my family and my quality of life, all would have suffered without it.

I was sitting by the river in my home town the other morning just listening to the breeze as it moved the reeds against each other in the quiet of the early morning… but for a few squawking ducks and an occasional distant clang of a buoy down river the world was silent and I thought, “this is my life, and it will never be better than this.”

I recently watched my 12 year old daughter going about her life… doing some homework and simultaneously texting with friends. Occasionally she’d laugh, not out loud… just a little chuckle under her breath. Then she’d be focused on her work when she’d suddenly react to a text as if someone had just told her the most unbelievable thing she could ever had heard. She’d text back a few times then chuckle some more before going back to her focused effort on her homework… and I thought, “this is my life, and it will never be better than this.”

Later today I’ll be meeting three of my sisters for lunch. We’ll talk about the things we’re all up to these days. I’ll mention my cooking and how it’s really been a passion since I’ve gotten my appetite back thanks to this gift. I’ll also mention the weight I’ve gained because of all this good cooking. My sisters will talk about their myriad lives and then we’ll talk about the latest goings on of our 85 year old parents. Stories that will have us in tears with laughter… ageing is not always a graceful thing and it helps to have a sense of humor about it. Luckily our mom and dad do and they passed that on to us so we can share a good laugh. At some point during this conversation I’ll stop and think, “this is my life, and it will never be better than this.”

And that is the gift that your loved one has given me… the ability to recognize that this is my life and it will never be better than this. And for that I am so thankful.

Sincerely

Bil… the recipient of your loved one’s kidney